March Newsletter

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Title – March Newsletter

Author – MysteryBarfly

 

Complaints into the RUSSLER have been thick and fast this month and not just trivial ones, like the one from Mercedes Mick who, whilst not having any problem with his motor cycling skills, or lack of them, being exposed to the world, was unhappy at being referred to as a minger. It was not the intention of the RUSSLER to influence anyone to start calling him Minging Mick and it is regrettable that this has become common place. Live with it Michael, move on. Before we move on, Minging Mick has got himself the very latest smartphone and he was showing it off to his daughter’s pet toad the other day. You would never have imagined that the toad would read the screen…

 

Now, complaints of inaccuracies are taken very seriously as the RUSSLER has a reputation to maintain. In a recent Politics & Religion post How Rich is the Roman Catholic Church by MalagaJack, it has been pointed out that the photo used to depict the new Pope Francis was in fact the old Pope Benedict and RUSSLER apologises if either man was offended by the error. The error has been amended for future readers. In MalagaJack’s defence, a cataract has developed in the one eye that he has sight from and the local NHS budget has been bled dry this year by his drinking pal, Burgin the Cripple, so he can’t have the much needed operation until after April. The Government are right,burgs-new-car the disabled are bleeding the country dry. Burgin was snapped outside Waitrose recently in his new free disability car. Our country can’t possibly continue to pay almost 1000 deserving senior public servants over £1 million each per year and give away free cars to tossers like Burgin. He’s just been in hospital, yet again, when they asked him for a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample, he gave them his boxer shorts. When asked by the nurse, whilst being admitted, who he would like informing in the case of an emergency, he replied… “The Doctor”. The man wants a 9mm bullet.

Before moving on…

In that same post, RUSSLER also had to clarify a point that was ambiguously written. By claiming the Catholic Church to be the wealthiest institution it was not including national governments. That point has been amended and it has brought to mind an interesting thought… which company is the wealthiest the world has ever known? Any ideas?  The first person to put the correct answer in a comment at the bottom of this post gets a free pint of Prince Albert Bitter, a superb beer which is on the bar in theALBERTinn this weekend (very similar in taste to Magnet). I’ll give you a clue… the company was instrumental in, and made a fortune from, the world’s first economic bubble (and consideration will have to be given to inflation-linking).

 

Moving on with a knowing smirk…

 

Just to introduce a little class into RUSSLER… listen to this voice it’s stunning. She’s either amazingly talented or superbly directed. Watch her sudden jerky movements, camera pick-ups and body language.
Ann Sophie – Genre… Retro soul/Jazz, enjoy…

 

Moving on with a glow…

 

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair, called in theALBERTinn last week. Russ was very naughty but could not stop himself. When O’Leary came to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. Russ said… “That will be one £1 please, Mr. O’Leary.”
Somewhat taken aback, O’Leary replied, “That’s very cheap,” and handed over his money.
“Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition”, said Russ. “But you don’t seem to have a glass, so you’ll need one of ours.” he continued… That will be another £3.”

O’Leary grimaced, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards the armchair next to the log fire.
“Oh, so you want to sit down?” said Russ. “That’s another £2. – Oh, and actually, I see that you didn’t pre-book the seat, so in fact it will be another £4.”
O’Leary swore to himself, but paid up. “I see that you want to bring that laptop with you” added Russ. “And since that wasn’t pre-booked either, that will be another £3 and a further £5 for connection to our WiFi.”

O’Leary was so pissed off that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, “This is a f**king rip-off, I want to speak to the manager”.
“You can only contact him by email”, said Russ… “And by the way, that will be £2 for use of the counter. And unless you are going to wash the glass yourself, that will be another £3. And it would be £3 to use the washroom. Make sure you tidy up all the area before you leave.

 

Moving on with one hand over my mouth…

 

Johnny Thurlow was watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, “Don’t enter that church, you daft pillock!!!”
Johnny’s wife, Julie, just happened to enter the room and asked him, “What are you watching?”
Johnny replies, “Our bloody wedding video”

 

Moving on with a wink…

 

Phil Gee was at it again this month. As reported in a previous RUSSLER his GP is female and drop dead gorgeous. He’s at the surgery often these days. He recently expressed his embarrassment to her, but she said, “Don’t worry, I am a professional… I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I will thoroughly check it out.

Phil said, “My wife claims that my penis tastes like strawberries”

 

Have a nice Easter break and enjoy the snow.

2 responses to “March Newsletter

  1. Stan.

    Absolutely brilliant Burgin gonna have to make a visit to the Albert.Keep em coming mate.

  2. Beelzebub

    that Ann Sophie woman weren’t bad but wots her surname, never get on if we dont know who she is. an’ i spotted that there were three women in the video, who are the other two? an’ i also noticed you once shagged her in toilet at Aqua (or it cud have been one of the other two) it’s all starting to get very confusing

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