APRIL – Newsletter

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Author – Mystery Barfly
A very special newsletter just prior to Wednesday 17th of April, 2013, a date set to enter the history books. For most it will be remembered for the funeral of Margaret Thatcher but to an elite few, pals of Burgin the Cripple, it will always be his birthday. So forget St Pauls Cathedral and get your arse up to theALBERTinn at Woodthorpe, the craic is guaranteed.

To make the night special Phil Gee is bringing in a very expensive Johnny Walker Blue Label scotch for everyone to sample. It’s his way of saying sorry for all the shite that the rest of us have to endure from him. The Man Who Walked Around The World…

Barmaid Kate has promised that, if her boyfriend Bullshit Brian isn’t present, she will bare her pair of beauties (breasts) and we can have a
guess their weight competition in aid of the Dravet Syndrome Charity Appeal. Burgin’s even booked a turn, seen here on the video, left, but only if he learns to play Magic Man.
It’s not thought that his old pal Richard Law will be making an appearance, it’s far to soon after his almighty gaff was made public and quickly went viral. I may as well tell what happened because everyone and their mother (except Mark Thatcher) know about it.

Last weekend Richard pulled the best bird of his life. She had the perfect figure, beautiful jet black hair, and drop dead gorgeous looks. She approached him in his Ecclesall Road restaurant, right at the end of the night. She had been told that Richard had Buffalo roaming his converted Derbyshire farmhouse and how much she would love to see them, which in man talk means take me back to your place and give me a right rodding. Richard played along with the Buffalo line and informed her that they can’t be seen in the dark but he knew what they could do until dawn.

She sent her friends home and Richard sent all the staff home and asked his driver to return at 4.45am, in time to get him home at sun rise. He then fetched a Tattenger from the fridge and made treesa conscious decision to try something different. He’s always struggled to keep a good woman and his pal Dr Rav Naik had recently been discussing with him the merit of sexual foreplay and how to prolong the sex act beyond 2 minutes. He reminded him of the techniques he once witnessed when the security cameras filmed Burgin and Merritt with 3 birds in the Professionals Room in his Leeds Snooker Club. Richard was determined to impress a woman, if only to wipe the smile of Nick Wolstenholme’s face. He’s Richards shooting pal who most of his Ex’s have confided in.

This time he took his time and assessed her responses to him. She was clearly aroused by deep passionate kissing so he milked that as much as he could. After one 20 minute snog all she could say was… wow! He could not believe how receptive she appeared and he’d not even took her nickers off. It hardly seemed a hour before his driver was signalling his presence outside.

She sexily nibbled his neck as he locked the restaurant door and they kissed all the way to the car and in the backseat, all the way to his home. They ran into his sitting room where french doors look out onto the surrounding fields where the Buffalo are, both full with anticipation, perhaps for different reasons but full of it anyway. As she stood against the french doors the morning sun burst through and Richard could contain his glee no longer. He quickly took out his iPhone and took a photo of this stunner which he auto-sent to Nick Wolstenholme. Stick that in your pipe Wolstie, he thought…. as they say in Italy “WHAT A MISTAKA TO MAKA“.

silluette

Moving on with my mouth wide open…
The question posed in the March Newsletter… which company is the wealthiest the world has ever known? Attracted ziltch zero responses via the comments, which of course are public. Obviously no one felt confident enough that they knew the right answer. Several had a shot in private via email and 2 were right but they didn’t put it on Comments, so no beer I’m afraid. The answer was the Dutch East India Company and the first bubble was Tulips.

 

Moving on with a skip…

 

Stockholm Sweden
Hardly anyone used the stairs to leave this Stockholm subway, always the escalator, until someone had a bright idea…

 

Moving on 2 steps at a time…

 

USA
To celebrate the Palethorpe’s being over the pond, a bit of Yanky humour…

Have a listen to this young woman…

QUESTION… How can someone be so attractive, sing so well, yet be so stupid? Although her joy at been conned by the young boy was genuine and endearing…

 

Moving on with a wobble…

 

Phil Greaves as been a regular in theALBERTinn for a number of years but what many don’t know is that he could have been a famous actor but gave it all up for the love of a woman who wanted him to have a phil-greaves-2aphil-greavesproper job. Phil went bald at the age of 18 and always looked older than his age. Ironically, now in his 60’s he now looks younger, despite the usual increase in weight. His only acting job was at the age of 19 at the end of the 60’s and he was one of the few British actors to break into Holywood, albeit just a public information film. We’ve been lucky to find this…

 

Moving on in a rush…

 

James Randi Education Foundation
This old magician has got $1 million to give to any crackpot who can do faith healing, spoon bending, mind reading or any paranormal claim under his scrutiny…

 

Moving on with a finger in my mouth…

 

Finally
Johnny Thurlow and Phil Gee were arrested in Queens Park last week at a Womens Rights rally. They were caught on camera just before their arrest, displaying orange banners…
dyke_protest

 

Bye for now…

One response to “APRIL – Newsletter

  1. Another great read…plenty for everyone….the dumb and the intelligent.

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